xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
I've been doing a heck of a lot of knitting the past week. On Monday I managed to put work into all of my WIPs, yay! Otherwise, there's been quite a bit of work on the camisole, which is going well now that I've restarted from a twist in the cast-on. What I should be working on is Ministry Shawl #3, which I want to get finished this month. I estimate I have about two hours of knitting a day to do on it in order to finish it. Doable, but a lot of work.

If I don't finish it I have other things I can submit for Nerdopolis, because I've been so busy with projects. In addition to all the WIPs I have, I also knitted a headband. Because I saw someone post it on Ravelry, and it was the perfect use for yarn I had left over from a scarf, and nothing would do except to knit it NOW. So I did. I'm also crocheting socks. Yes, crocheting. Why? Because it is International Crochet Month, and the Party group on Ravelry is making socks and there are prizes. I'm a sucker for prizes, so I am making a pair. I already know that I will likely frog them to knit socks instead, but it's kind of a proof-of-concept thing. I've been intrigued with crocheted socks for a while, so now I can say that I've made a pair, lol.

I dreamed about them. I was over in England, or possibly Ireland, and was in a yarn store looking for yarn to take home as a souvenir. They had some really fine yarn, like thread-weight but softer than thread, to be used with steel hooks to make socks.

My mom's birthday was on Friday, and on Saturday we went out to a German restaurant. They spelled our name wrong on the reservation, which is a bit of a fail since our last name is German. Otherwise, everything was lovely. I played it safe and had wiener schnitzel, which was good. I was tempted by the sea scallops, but it came with rice instead of potatoes, and I really wanted German potato salad. There was live entertainment. He was quite talented - played the accordion, trumpet, tuba, and handbells, and also sang and yodeled. It was a nice evening.

Presents!

Dec. 26th, 2014 02:26 pm
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
I finished my blankets in time! The Pineapple Afghan was finished on December 7th; I finished the Snowflake Afghan the day before our party. Both blankets were well received. My sisters told me I should sell stuff on Etsy. I asked them if they had any idea how much I'd have to charge. I put over 60 hours into the Snowflake Afghan alone. Multiply that by minimum wage and you're talking a lot of money.

Still, I've been mulling it over in my head. Maybe not blankets. Maybe hats. They're relatively quick. Thing is, if I'm going to sell stuff I'd want to use nicer yarn than Red Heart Super Saver. I'm not even sure I can find wool at Joann or Michaels, and as far as I know, there are no local independent yarn shops. Another issue with selling stuff on Etsy is that I lack the means to take professional photographs. My Canon is broken, and my old Blackberry that I use for Ravelry pictures turns everything yellow.

Our Christmas party was the Sunday before Christmas. We had dinner reservations at 3:00. I finished my Jaywalker socks at 2:45, lol. Just in time! Dinner was good. I had fettuccine alfredo with chicken and broccoli. After dinner we came back to the house to open presents. I got:

A pink chenille sweater
A blue long-sleeved shirt
A framed photo of my niece and nephews
A Nivea bath set
A $25 Visa gift card
A $25 Starbucks gift card
A box of four Godiva chocolates

On Christmas Day we went over to my sister's house for bagels. The kidlets were very excited because they got an Xbox One. Then it was back home, and a very long wait for me to open the day's presents. Finally about 8pm we gathered together. I got

A Suave Moroccan Infusion gift set
A $100 Visa gift card

YAY! I was hoping I'd receive enough money to buy some video games. I am definitely going to get Lost Odyssey and Final Fantasy XIII-2. I'm thinking about Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep as well. If I could find my other memory card for the PSP I'd buy Final Fantasy IX, which I haven't played and am eager to, but I fear the card is well lost and I don't want to spend the money for a new card.

The remaining amounts of the gift cards will be spent on yarn. I just need to decide if I'm doing BAMCAL again this year. I joined the group and will be following along, but I'm not sure I want to make another blanket because I have no one to give it to. I could buy yarn to make hats for Etsy... which I might do. We'll see.

All in all, it was a nice holiday.

I was bored the past few days with pressing projects to work on, and I didn't feel like playing FF Tactics Advance, so I started a new game of Final Fantasy with four warriors. My goal was to complete the game without them dying. This was pretty easy until Mt Gulg, where I was insta-deathed by a pyrolisk. Grr! So I restarted from my save, and decided I needed some Protect Rings. Off to the ice cavern. First try: insta-deathed by a Mindflayer. Second try: paralyzed to death by a wraith. Third time was the charm, though, and I managed to get the levistone without another death, though I missed two of the treasures. Got the airship, then went off to Gaia and bought my precious Protect Rings. Went ahead and did the class change quest, then headed back to Mt Gulg. After that the game was pretty easy... until I reached Chaos, who whupped my butt. Not sure I'll be able to beat him without some deaths, hmmm. I also have a single red mage file that's also stuck on Chaos. One of these days I'll complete that one as well.

WOOHOO!!!

Aug. 8th, 2006 07:59 pm
xnera: Icon of Kyp/Tohru, hugging. Full of love! (full of love)
MADISON IS MOVING HER FEET!!!!!


My mom went to the zoo yesterday with Jennifer and the kids, so of course I had to ask her if she saw Madison move her feet. And she did! *dances* She's still wearing a brace, but she can be out of it for eight hours a day. Mom said that she's doing wonderful. I am so, so excited. I can't wait to see her again. I will probably blubber like mad the first time I see her move her feet.
xnera: Icon of Kyp/Tohru, hugging. Full of love! (full of love)
Maddy's surgery went well. :) It took only 40 minutes. I can't believe she's home already! She's got bright pink hard casts on her legs (hee!) that will have to be changed in 7-10 days. She also has a soft cast on her hip.

My mom talked to Jennifer. Jennifer said she was shocked when she saw Maddie after surgery and she was awake and active. Sounds like she took it really well! She doesn't appear to be in any pain. The doctor did give Jennifer some painkillers (Tylenol with Codiene, etc) but Jennifer's not going to give her any unless it looks like she really needs it. So far she gave her two regular Tylenol. Mom said she could hear Madison chattering in the background. :)

I confirmed with mom the reason for the surgery--it's so she has flexibility in her ankles. You could tell the tendons were tight, because her feet were always en pointe, like a ballerina's. So once she heals from the surgery, she'll be able to flex her ankles.

Now I am soooo having a pizza for dinner. I had a very light lunch, then came home early from work and crashed on the couch. Woke up very hungry. Yeah, it's pizza time!
xnera: Icon of Kyp/Tohru, hugging. Full of love! (full of love)
Requesting prayers and good vibes for my niece Madison, who's having surgery today to loosen tendons in her hip and ankles. The surgery started at 10:00 (I've been busy, and lost track of time) so it might be over already, but studies have shown that even retroactive prayer works. :D

I saw her on the 2nd when my family got together to celebrate Dad's birthday. I'm so very pleased with her progress! She sits up very nicely (her P.T. is pleased with this) and is trying to roll over. She can't manage it yet, as she lacks the upper body strength. She's a BIG baby (three pounds heavier than Justin, and they're the same length), so that hinders her. Plus she can't use her feet to push off. Heh--Justin loves to roll so much that he's got a blister on his push-off toe. *giggles* Silly boy.

Another problem with the rolling is that she's a content baby. You put her on her stomach, and she's like "Yup, this is good" and is happy to remain like that. She doesn't often make a fuss, so she's not getting upset enough to try to rectify the situation. The P.T. isn't too worried, and neither am I. That will come with time.

She'll have to be in a cast after her surgery. Last I heard, there was some uncertainty if it was going to be a hard or soft cast, but there was more talk towards a soft. Either way, it's probably going to be uncomfortable, what with the heat wave that's due to hit. :( Poor baby.

I just realised that I'm not sure I ever told my entire friends list about Madison... she has spina bifida and hydrocephalus. Spina bifida can cause paralysis, depending on where the lesion on the back is. The lower the lesion, the more movement you have. Luckily, Madison's lesion was very low--she has movement of her legs down to her ankles. :D The surgery today will hopefully give her some control over her ankles. *crosses fingers*

I'll let you know how the surgery went as soon as I hear some news.
xnera: Icon of Kyp/Tohru, hugging. Full of love! (full of love)
I am very lazy today, so rather than retyping stuff you get a copy-and-paste from AIM.

xnera23 (10:39:32 AM): in other news, Madison had a shunt put in this weekend. She's doing just fine, and will probably come home today
xnera23 (10:39:58 AM): But I guess her incision on her back burst open a bit because of all the pressure from the excess fluid
mackillian (10:41:46 AM): ack O_O
xnera23 (10:42:34 AM): Yeah. I was kind of hoping she could do without a shunt, but I'm not upset or worried that she had to get one, because I knew there was a big possibility she'd need one
mackillian (10:42:42 AM): yup
mackillian (10:42:48 AM): it's the fluid that made me go O_O
xnera23 (10:42:53 AM): yeah :-(
xnera23 (10:43:00 AM): Jennifer says she looks much better already
mackillian (10:46:22 AM): oh good :-)
mackillian (10:46:47 AM): how long will the shunt have to be in?
xnera23 (10:47:46 AM): it's a permanent thing, as I understand. She'll need a few operations as she gets older to adjust it, but yeah, it's permanent
mackillian (10:48:16 AM): what makes it permanent?
mackillian (10:48:21 AM): (I know nothing of these things)
xnera23 (10:50:28 AM): Hydrocephalus is caused by excess fluid in the brain. In a normal person, the fluid drains automatically. In babies with spina bifida, it doesn't drain and the fluid builds up. So the shunt is put in to drain the fluid into the abdominal cavity.
xnera23 (10:51:03 AM): http://www.hydroassoc.org/information/information.htm

I'm hoping to get her story written up for Hatrack/general LJ friends list by the end of this week.
xnera: Icon of Draco Malfoy, captioned "I'm rather empowered." (I'm rather empowered.)
Have fooooooooood. Am appeased.

Also, am GODMOTHER. Not officially yet (that's not until march or so), but yes, Lori & Gary asked me to be the godmother to Sir Squeaky the Squirmy, aka Justin. Am so, so excited. He's so, so adorable. I was hanging out with him yesterday at my parents' house, even before they asked me. Just having fun talking to him and letting him squeeze my fingers. He opened his eyes for me. :D This is good as he's been sleeping waaaaaaaaaay too much, so it was nice to see those eyes.

Consolidations have sped up at work, so now I'm having fun. It's NICE to have something to do. Plus the office is quiet so it's more like hanging out than working. There's also a thunderstorm going on, whee! Though I have to say it was really, really weird to go out for breakfast and see nobody on the street. Only thing that was open was Walgreens (they're open 365 days a year) and Dunkin' Donuts. Better than nothing.
xnera: Icon of Kyp/Tohru, hugging. Full of love! (full of love)
Madison went into surgery at 7:30 this morning. I think--my mind blurred with all the numbers. I know it was this morning, so I'm assuming she's in surgery now. It can take up to seven hours, so it might be a while yet.

Good things: Her large size. That's going to make the surgery easier. Her feistyness. :D Doctor's say that's a very good sign. Initial assessment is that she should have most use of her legs--down to her ankles, probably. That may change with surgery, so we'll just have to wait and see.

The hydrocephalus is being monitored. Right now it's fine, but if the pressure gets worse they will put a shunt in.

I've been trying to put together a public post to that will be crossposted to Hatrack, but I'm rather blank. It's been written in my head several times, but I can't seem to put it down. Perhaps I just need to wait until the surgery is over.

I feel rather vunerable and defensive at the moment. I kind of want to curl into a ball with my kitty, except I have to run journals. At least I have something to do. I passed the pictures around earlier, and got mostly positive responses. My dad has been talking to C. & S. about this all along, so they took it in stride and asked a lot of questions. Most everyone else is hearing about it for the first time, though. Dennis told me humorous stories of his one-legged uncles. :) J., though, said she was very sorry and that it's a shame that Madison has to "fight for her life" from the start.

...Okay. I expected some reactions like that. But I still got defensive. She's not fighting for her life. She's doing well and is very healthy, except for the spina bifida. Yeah, the surgery is risky, but ALL surgery is risky. >:O and :P!

I didn't say much, other that to say I'm glad she's here and that she's not really fighting for her life. It would be nice if everyone could react how I want them to, but of course that's not possible, because people are human and individuals, and that's a good thing! :D It just makes it a bit harder to hear people be less-than-positive because I'm dealing with my worry and anxiety about the surgery, so right now I'm needing positive stuff, not sorrow. Still, I can't really be mad at folks who express sorrow, because in a way they're just wanting the best for me, which shows they care. Um, does that make sense? It makes sense in my mind but I'm not sure I'm expressing it right because I'm starting to go blank again.

Lori & Dad are dropping by to visit Jennifer today, so I sent Jennifer's birthday present with them. I put together a little relaxation kit, with a CD of relaxing classical music, a Hot Stone Massage mini-kit, Ecalyptus Spearmint bath kit (in a green mug instead of the pouch shown), and soothing peppermint tea (some fancy brand I got at Marshall Field's). I think she could use it. :)

I have to go consolidate journals (i.e.: click a button). And then it's back to waiting, waiting, waiting, and missing my kitty.
xnera: Icon of Kyp/Tohru, hugging. Full of love! (full of love)
Unless things drastically change, my niece is scheduled to arrive on December 28th. Woohoo!

Her big brother Kyle is going to be disappointed that she's arriving before his birthday on the 30th. :)
xnera: Icon of Mal from Firefly, captioned "Big Damn Movie Star." (SO DAMN HAPPY!!!)
Please give a warm welcome to...

Justin Robert
7 lbs 5 ounces


Mom and baby are both fine. :D I will be going to the hospital tomorrow to see my new nephew and give my sister her birthday present.

*RUNS ABOUT IN OCTAGONS OF JOY, BOUNCING MADLY*
xnera: Icon of Mal from Firefly, captioned "Big Damn Movie Star." (SO DAMN HAPPY!!!)
My sister is in delivery now. :D So yes, I'll be getting a new nephew today!

*BOUNCES ABOUT LIKE MAD*
xnera: Icon of Lucius Malfoy leaving the Death Eaters to perform karaoke  (TIN ROOF!!! RUSTED!!!)
Younger sis went to the hospital this morning because she "wasn't feeling well". Dad says she was having some cramping, so she called her doc who ordered her to the hospital. She's scheduled for a C-section on the 20th, but it's possible the baby will be born today. ^_^

Me: Oh gods, we'd have birthdays three days in a row.
Dad: Imagine if he's born tomorrow!

If he DOES come tomorrow, he'll share a birthday with his mommy!

Will keep you posted as news develops! :D

shopping!

Dec. 8th, 2005 04:34 pm
xnera: Icon of Draco Malfoy, captioned "I'm rather empowered." (I'm rather empowered.)
PSA: A slave fell down and went boom! The LJ server admins are working on it, but you might see "replag" errors. What that means for you is "now you see it, now you don't!" entries and comments. It's normal and expected; just hit refresh, and the entry/comment should reappear.

Today was good. I got three of the tie-outs done, leaving just one for tomorrow. Yay! Tonight I do more Christmas/birthday shopping. I'm enjoying it this year, possibly because I HAVE MONEY! and so can actually splurge on everyone a bit. :D Yeah, it's snowing, but the temperature is better, so I'm headed to Field's and another nearby store for birthday stuff. Depending on how long that takes, I may or may not stop at Toys 'R' Us on the way home. If I don't go tonight, I'll have to go tomorrow. I'm thinking it will be nice to finish everything tonight so I can go right home tomorrow and vegitate. The house has been neglected while I've been busy shopping this week.

Time to pack up. Yay!
xnera: Icon of Draco Malfoy, captioned "I'm rather empowered." (I'm rather empowered.)
Happy Thanksgiving! Today, I am really thankful for my Raina, and for [livejournal.com profile] stupidpetowners which has helped me to be a more involved kitty mommy and knowledgeable about pet care in general. I am grateful that I had the courage to see a psychiatrist, and that the first drug we tried is working well. :D I am thankful for the Paxil CR, which has made it easier to live my daily life. I am so, so thankful for my family. My immediate family for the good times we had together while I was growing up. And for the gift of new family members: my brothers-in-law and their families, and the all the kidlets--especially the two new ones on the way, who have helped me realise how important family is.

And I'm thankful for all of you. You have brought so much wonderfulness into my life. And I'm thrilled that the Paxil is making me more open to others. I've noticed that I'm delighted when people IM me now, instead of being a bit annoyed because I was busy doing something. I'm much more likely to take time out to spend with others, and that is a great gift.

I went to bed early last night (around ten), so I woke up around 6:15. And was well awake, so I just went ahead and got up. And played Boggle. :D I also played with Raina, and spent much time reading various LiveJournal stuff. I share some with you!

If Voldemort smoked, he would smoke this brand.

I want to sick Ela on this person. >:O!!!. Luckily, tons of folks have already addressed the issue.

And now I am going to play actual video games (NOT BOGGLE!) on my PS2. Because I've been saying for ages that I'm going to play some, but I never do. OMG, so much to play:

* Eye Toy: Groove
* Dance Dance Revolution Extreme 2
* Katamari Damashii (I WILL BEAT STAR SEVEN!!)
* Sonic Mega Collection Plus
* Buffy: Chaos Bleeds (was stuck on an annoying level with Cid)
* Final Fantasy VII

Roughly the order I'm going to play them, too.

Still not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow. Who knows, maybe I will hop a train to Milwaukee. :D If not, I am going to code, play video games, clean the house, go see Harry Potter, and possibly buy Eye Toy: Kinetic, if I see it at the stores.
xnera: Icon of Lucius Malfoy leaving the Death Eaters to perform karaoke  (TIN ROOF!!! RUSTED!!!)
Happy Monday, everyone! :D Have some cuteness.

In a good mood today, as I had a good day yesterday. Lots of TV, lots of chores, some reading and some hacking. Bot's quote database is now online again. *bounces* I had forgotten to reinstall MySQL when I restarted bot back up.

So, TV. I watched Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which means I am walking around humming "so long so long so long so long" over and over. Which is why I am going to go to Walgreens during lunch to get more batteries for my Rio, so i can get the song out of my mind. Good movie, though. Still don't really like Zaphod's characterization in the movie, and Alan Rickman's voice as Marvin tends to distract me, but I like everyone else. LOVE Trillian. She is teh awesome.

Next up: first disc of Invader Zim. It's been in my queue for-freaking-ever, and for some reason I kept bumping it down, and down, and down... Finally decided I might as well rent it. I didn't finish the disc, because it bored me. But it might be one of those things that grows on me and is awesome in retrospect, like Monty Python. I was "meh" about Monty Python when I saw it, but then would crack up laughing anytime anybody quoted it. Since I now hear Zim saying "GIR!" in my mind, maybe it will be the same. I took the rest of the discs off my queue for now, but who knows, maybe I'll add them back.

Finally: Star Trek: The Next Generation, season one disc one. *snerks* The Signal was so right when they called ST:TNG's Enterprise "a flying office building". I couldn't help laughing at how plush everything was, and how everything is controlled with BUTTONS instead of, like, controllers or joysticks. It's rather unbelievable. But ST:TNG was one of the first shows i ever got fanatic about, and it was like seeing an old friend again. Yeah, there's cheesiness and snerkiness, but I still love these characters, and there's a lot of interesting ideas in their plots. So it'll be fun watching it all again. Looking forward to seeing the Borg, and Guinan, and more Q.

Wait, not quite finally. I also rewatched an ep of Battlestar Galactica. Getting itchy for second season. Is it silly of me that I'm kind of :( about having the UK edition of the first season because that means the boxes won't match when I buy the second season? *snerks at self* I have to pay some more bills this month, but once they are paid I am buying the BSG soundtrack. AND the Firefly one, too, which I believe comes out this week! *dances* But I'm really looking forward to Season Two of BSG, which comes out on December 20th--NEPHEW DAY!!! *bounces about like a spazz* I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED. about the two upcoming kidlets. I cannot wait to meet them. Not too much longer until my nephew arrives, yay! And while I can't wait to meet my new neice, either, I'm hoping she stays put as long as possible. So, January sometime, then. That's still not that far.

I tried to sign up for the Netflix settlement but it won't work from here. I'll have to try from home, later. I was thinking about bumping my membership level up a notch or two anyway, so hey, this gives me a chance to try it for a month FREE!

Not gonna finish the book by tomorrow. Ah well. Still going to buy the new book tomorrow, though. Which means I will likely see the crush on the bus! :D :D :D

Getting Chipotle for lunch, yay! Mmm... Chipotle.

:(

Oct. 25th, 2005 10:19 am
xnera: Icon captioned "a woman bracing herself." (tough times)
My step-grandmother Alvina passed away in her sleep. :(

I wish I could have seen her one last time. The last time I saw her was when I went down for the Disney Half-marathon. That was, what, three, four years ago? I wish I could be there for the funeral. I didn't get to go to Grandma Ruth's funeral, either. That's what sucks about living far away from relatives.

I have to make sure that I send my grandfather a sympathy card. I'll need to get the new address from my parents. They moved into a trailer park recently, and I don't have the new address.

Waah. Alvina was so very cool. I loved her. She was the sweetest person. Always had snacks out. Served dessert RIGHT AFTER DINNER, I MEAN RIGHT NOW!!! She was an extra in Cocoon (or possibly the second one, I forget which). She thought family was very important, and would be very upset if she didn't receive cards for holidays and birthdays. She was just so very cool, and an awesome step-grandma. I'll miss her.
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (stop and smell the flowers)
I think I can breathe a little easier now. I had been bracing myself, waiting for some really bad news, but it looks like that's not going to happen. My sister gave my parents a book on Spina Bifida, which means they're invested in this, so yeah, no really bad news, I think.

The MRI showed that the lesion is in the lumbar region, or even lower. That's really good news, because the lower the lesion is, the better. They have a few options here. Jennifer can carry the baby to term, and then the baby will have an operation at birth to close the lesion. Another option is in-vitro surgery. But they decided against that for several reasons. First, 100% of babies who have the in-vitro surgery are delivered premature. They don't want the complications of a premature birth. But also, the procedure is currently under study, so they'd have to enter the study and if chosen for the surgery, Jennifer would have to go live at the hospital where they perform it for several months. And there's none close by. Bleargh.

So right now, they're planning to carry to term, or as long as possible. She's going to be monitored frequently to see how the baby is developing. If the hydrocephalus gets worse they might have to deliver early. Hopefully she'll be able to carry to term, or near term. The baby's very active right now, which I'm taking as a good sign. The doctors say, though, that we're really not going to know how bad it is until the baby arrives and they can see exactly where the lesion is and how bad it is. There's a good chance the baby will be able to walk, but a lot of folks with spina bifida end up using a wheelchair because it's more comfortable. Nothing wrong with that, if you ask me.

Mom asked them if they're going to start looking for a new house. Their current one is not very disabled-friendly. They're going to wait, though, until after the baby arrives so they can see what kind of adjustments they'll need to make. I think this is smart. I mean, even if the baby does need a wheelchair, that's not going to be in the first few years of life, probably, so they can wait a while.

Jennifer WAS taking pre-natal vitamins, even though this was an "oops" baby. So she was likely getting enough folic acid. The doctors can't explain what caused this. It's kind of hereditary, but not really. It's like, if you have one kid with it, you have a better chance of having another. But it's not really passed down. If Jennifer is going to have another kid, she needs to take mega-doses of folic acid. She said this is the last one, though. Both Lori and I will also need to take mega-doses of folic acid, as there is an increased chance that we might have a kid with spina bifida.

Ed said that he heard about a doctor in Boston who is during research with implanting... what was it? Neural stem cells, I think, at the base of the spine. They're going to try contacting him. Both Jennifer and Ed seemed pretty upbeat. I mean, not happy, but not, like, mourning, you know? It's like, they're determined to do whatever it takes to make sure the baby has the best care.

The baby will need to have shunt put in, but that shouldn't be too bad. One surgery at birth, another around the toddler years, and another at puberty. And then periodical checking to make ure there's no infection. Hopefully that's all the surgery the baby will need (plus the closing of the lesion). The doctors are saying that kids with spina bifida are about ten IQ points less than their siblings. There's a big range on IQ, though, so this might not be that bad (ten points doesn't sound bad to me). There's also the possibility there will be NO mental problems. We had a neighbor with spina bifida, and he was a very smart little boy.

So I'm much relieved at all the news. I mean, it's still a lot to deal with, but I don't think I'll need to be mourning the loss of another neice or nephew. And that makes me very, very happy. I'll keep you updated as I hear news.
xnera: Icon captioned "a woman bracing herself." (tough times)
Good weekend. I'll tell you about it later. I don't have the proper energy at the moment to give it its due.

Never has this icon been more appropiate.

Mom called on Saturday to let me know that they got back from their cruise safe. I asked her if she had talked to Jennifer and what the news was there. She had.

Jennifer didn't have the amniotic fluid test last Tuesday. Both she and the doctor felt it wasn't really necessary, as that's more of a chromosonal (sp?) test and spina bifida's more of a birth defect. She did have a MRI on the baby on Friday, but mom didn't say what the results were (possibly they weren't back yet).

But mom said that Jennifer & Ed had to make a decision soon, likely over the weekend. And mom didn't sound too optimistic.

So, I am just bracing myself. Waiting to hear that I've lost another future neice or nephew.


And I'm scared, because I don't know how I'm going to react, or get through it. I was so, so devastated last time that I had to leave work after only an hour because I couldn't stop crying. It's just so, so sad. To be looking forward to getting to know someone, and then lose them before you have the chance to see them smile or hear them laugh.

I sometimes get mad at my family because I am the last to hear things, but in this case I want to be the last. I'd rather wait and not hear about this until Friday night so I can cry all weekend.

Right now I'm okay. Right now I think maybe I'll be able to handle it without completely falling apart at work. I can't really predict how I will react, though there is certainly fear that I will not be able to control my emotions. And of course there's nothing bad about crying over this. I think it's only natural. I just want to be able to go to work and do my job without having to worry that I'm going to lose it.

And I'm kind of tired, and not at all hungry. Maybe I will skip lunch and go for a walk instead.
xnera: Icon captioned "a woman bracing herself." (tough times)
edit: I just added a few more people to this filter. So if you're suddenly seeing this on your friends page and going "Huh?", the original post is here.

I've been reading up on Spina Bifida. It happens in the first 25 days of pregnancy, so you really need to be taking folic acid BEFORE you try conceiving in order to have a good chance of preventing it. Both of my sisters' current pregnancies are "Oops!" babies, so it's possible the 25 days passes before she even knew she was pregnant. :(

There's various degrees. Approximately 40% of the population might have some form of it and not even know, so it can be very, very mild. This kind of called Occulta. The other two are Meningocele and Myelomeningocele, with the prior being the more minor.

My mom talked to Jennifer last night. Jennifer sounded in better spirits. The doctors told her that the lower on the spine the problem is, the better off the baby is. It sounds like it's pretty low, so that's good news. The baby's head is enlarged, so it likely has hydrocephalus, but this is very common with spina bifida and fixable with a shunt. Dad just told me that a family friend had hydrocephalus as a kid, which was a surprise to me. He's now 35.

Jennifer told mom that the baby will get the best treatment, and be taken right to Children's Memorial. Hearing this relieved me VERY much, because it sounds like right now they're NOT planning to terminate. While I would support their decision if they did, I got very weepy this morning just thinking of the possibility. So this is good news to me.

She has more testing on Tuesday. They're going to test her amniotic fluid. So we'll hear more then.
xnera: Icon captioned "a woman bracing herself." (tough times)
Ran into my younger sister at lunch.

My older sister had her ultrasound yesterday. The baby has spinal bifida.

I don't know how to react. I got very teary, but now I'm kind of in shock and numb.

I will support whatever decision they make. I know this kind of stuff is very, very hard to deal with, and that some people aren't cut out to handle it. I'd like to think they are, but I just don't know. So if they decide to terminate, I will be sad because anytime a life ends so early is sad (I still get weepy over my younger sister's miscarriage). But I won't be angry at them, or feel they made the wrong choice, because I just don't know what I would do if I were them until something happens.

I have a lot of hope, though. Medical advances are happening so quickly that it's possible any problems the baby has can be fixed or dealt with. Also, a friend of mine is active with Not Dead Yet, and I've learned a lot about disabilities from him, and from seeing disabled people in the workplace and around town. Most disabled people I know are very happy with their lives, so I know even with some serious birth defects the baby could have a fulfilling and happy life.

I hope that the defects are minimum. And I pray that my family is strong enough to handle this. We're not good at talking about medical stuff. In fact, my mom told my younger sister the news, and the first thing she said is "Don't call Jennifer". WTF? I mean, I can't contact her to offer my support? That's crazy.

<"ME" moment>I'm now feeling anxious and jittery again. Gah. So much anxiety these days. I hope Golden Rule approves my insurance app so I can go to the psychiatrist, because the anxiety is getting bad.
</"ME" moment>

Those who are the praying types: can you say a few prayers that the problems the baby has are minimal? Would appreciate it. Also, that my sister's family has the stength to handle this, no matter what they decide. Thanks.

Not sure I'm going to post this to Hatrack. I kind of want to, but it's kind of personal so maybe I won't. I might email dkw though and ask her for some prayers.

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