In which xnera tames the chocolate craving, and respects her inner emotions.
The New Math
Photography club meetings + extensive Aragorn postage by princess_jules
= dreams of going on a photography jaunt with Viggo Mortensen
I'm such a geek.
"Unhand me, you ruffian!"
So way back when
I complained that I needed some sort of schtick for my blog. I have thought up of one: Hatrack Social Columnist.
Seriously. Lately every other post I make has something to do with Hatrack. This one's no different.
The ladies of Hatrack have began to dabble in writing romances
. It is painful to read the thread. See, they're treating it like romances are easy to write, and are Not Real Literature. I kind of agree with that second part. As long as I have been dreaming of writing, I never wanted to write romance. General fiction, scifi, and memoir, sure, but never romance, because I felt it would be beneath me, somehow.
So you can understand my frustration whenever I sit down to write and all that comes out is... romance
I am longing to participate in the Hatrack thread. Maybe if I do, I can get all the romance out of my system and I can move on to Real Stuff. But there's also this fear that once I start down the path of romance, I'll never be able to turn back.
Oh, the conflict! The drama! It's funny--I often say I hate conflict and try to avoid it, but I certainly create enough drama in my life.
A Quiet Alarum
I am worried about Saudade. She keeps saying she is fine, but her words speak otherwise. *sends vibes of strength and safety Saudade's way*
Love, that curious condition
So the past few weeks in therapy I've been struggling to come up with a definition of love, and failing spectularly.
At the end of today's session, I remarked that my younger sister is pregnant again (AND her due date is the day after my birthday! WOOHOO!). I also said that I love my two nephews, and I am sure I will love the next neice of nephew just as much.
To which Debbie pointed out "You just said you love your nephews, and it slipped right out of you. So obviously you know what love is."
Well, yes. I love my nephews, and I'm sure of that. But isn't it my obligation as an aunt to love them? It's just like I love my parents and my sisters. Love is family, and family is love.
*thinks some more* One of the reasons I love my nephews is they so obviously love me, which boggles the mind. Kyle's loved me all his life. Even when he was still too young to get a sense of who I am, he loved me. He accepts me unconditionally, and that amazes me. I love him for this. But I also love him because I can watch his personality develop. It's amazing and it's wonderful.
*thinks still more* I also spent several minutes in therapy today--and here I interrupt myself to say geesh, might as well just start doing my therapy sessions on webcam, if I'm going to come home and write up the whole thing. Anyway, as I was saying, in therapy today I also talked about how Roger has always accepted me for who I am, even when I thought I was at my ugliest (emotionally, nto physically. I'm too darn cute to be ugly physically), darkest, and weakest. It's amazing, how he can be okay with the things I think would drive everyone away.
So is that love? Is love acceptance of someone for who they are, completely? Or is it something more than that?
Double the pleasure, double the fun!
I've decided to start posting entries in the blog
again, as well as LiveJournal
. Part of this has to do with my frustration over LJ's wonkiness lately, but then again Blogger has it's own issues. But truthfully, I miss the blog. For some reason it's easier for me to write in it. Maybe because it's MINE. It's on my personal webspace, and I designed the template, and it's RED. Or maybe it's just a nostalgia thing. Either way, the posts are now going to be at both the blog and LJ
, so if one of them is down, try the other.
Off to buy new catfood, as Raina keeps puking the current brand up.