xnera: Icon of Lucius Malfoy leaving the Death Eaters to perform karaoke  (TIN ROOF!!! RUSTED!!!)
Iced Coffee Shortage Hits Major Metropolis

CHICAGO--Consumers in search of iced coffee were nearly out of luck this morning.

"I didn't sleep well, so I wanted some iced coffee," said [livejournal.com profile] xnera. "I tried the coffee kiosk in my building. Nope. So then I walked over the temporary bridge to Dunkin' Donuts. They were out, too! So I walked BACK over the river to Starbucks, where I finally was able to get a Frappucino."

The cause of the shortage was unknown. "No espresso, no ice," said one barrista, but he refused to go into detail. "No espresso, no ice!"

[livejournal.com profile] xnera believes the weather may be having an effect. "It's too hot outside, so who wants to drink hot coffee? I bet everyone's getting iced coffee instead, and the cafes can't keep up. Supply and demand, you know."

It is hoped that the shortage will be resolved shortly; otherwise the city may be in peril as thousands of employees attempt to work uncooled and uncaffienated.
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
In which xnera tames the chocolate craving, and respects her inner emotions.

The New Math

Photography club meetings + extensive Aragorn postage by [livejournal.com profile] princess_jules = dreams of going on a photography jaunt with Viggo Mortensen

I'm such a geek.

"Unhand me, you ruffian!"

So way back when I complained that I needed some sort of schtick for my blog. I have thought up of one: Hatrack Social Columnist.

Seriously. Lately every other post I make has something to do with Hatrack. This one's no different.

The ladies of Hatrack have began to dabble in writing romances. It is painful to read the thread. See, they're treating it like romances are easy to write, and are Not Real Literature. I kind of agree with that second part. As long as I have been dreaming of writing, I never wanted to write romance. General fiction, scifi, and memoir, sure, but never romance, because I felt it would be beneath me, somehow.

So you can understand my frustration whenever I sit down to write and all that comes out is... romance.

I am longing to participate in the Hatrack thread. Maybe if I do, I can get all the romance out of my system and I can move on to Real Stuff. But there's also this fear that once I start down the path of romance, I'll never be able to turn back.

Oh, the conflict! The drama! It's funny--I often say I hate conflict and try to avoid it, but I certainly create enough drama in my life.

A Quiet Alarum

I am worried about Saudade. She keeps saying she is fine, but her words speak otherwise. *sends vibes of strength and safety Saudade's way*

Love, that curious condition

So the past few weeks in therapy I've been struggling to come up with a definition of love, and failing spectularly.

At the end of today's session, I remarked that my younger sister is pregnant again (AND her due date is the day after my birthday! WOOHOO!). I also said that I love my two nephews, and I am sure I will love the next neice of nephew just as much.

To which Debbie pointed out "You just said you love your nephews, and it slipped right out of you. So obviously you know what love is."


Well, yes. I love my nephews, and I'm sure of that. But isn't it my obligation as an aunt to love them? It's just like I love my parents and my sisters. Love is family, and family is love.

*thinks some more* One of the reasons I love my nephews is they so obviously love me, which boggles the mind. Kyle's loved me all his life. Even when he was still too young to get a sense of who I am, he loved me. He accepts me unconditionally, and that amazes me. I love him for this. But I also love him because I can watch his personality develop. It's amazing and it's wonderful.

*thinks still more* I also spent several minutes in therapy today--and here I interrupt myself to say geesh, might as well just start doing my therapy sessions on webcam, if I'm going to come home and write up the whole thing. Anyway, as I was saying, in therapy today I also talked about how Roger has always accepted me for who I am, even when I thought I was at my ugliest (emotionally, nto physically. I'm too darn cute to be ugly physically), darkest, and weakest. It's amazing, how he can be okay with the things I think would drive everyone away.

So is that love? Is love acceptance of someone for who they are, completely? Or is it something more than that?

Double the pleasure, double the fun!

I've decided to start posting entries in the blog again, as well as LiveJournal. Part of this has to do with my frustration over LJ's wonkiness lately, but then again Blogger has it's own issues. But truthfully, I miss the blog. For some reason it's easier for me to write in it. Maybe because it's MINE. It's on my personal webspace, and I designed the template, and it's RED. Or maybe it's just a nostalgia thing. Either way, the posts are now going to be at both the blog and LJ, so if one of them is down, try the other.

Off to buy new catfood, as Raina keeps puking the current brand up.


Jan. 7th, 2003 05:42 pm
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
I am supposed to be searching for a job.

Instead I am googling for "darkroom rental", considering opening a Cafe Press shop, authoring a VCD, thinking about taking violin lessons, and sketching a design for a personal website.

My boyfriend tells me to get another computer job. I can see the logic of this. It'd probably be easy to get one since that's what I've done for the past nine years. But my soul cries out "Nay! We would wither and die in such a place!".

All I want is a job that will let me be creative. Is that too much to ask?


Dec. 4th, 2002 02:47 pm
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
I went into NaNoWriMo with hope and big dreams. Finally, I was going to write a novel! And it would be good. Good enough to revise and submit. Good enough to get published. Good enough that Cassandra Claire would write fan fiction for it.

The last week of October was spent gearing up for the challenge. I read the NaNo boards daily -- hourly, even. I bought two writing books: I'd Rather Be Writing for inspiration, and The Marshall Plan Workbook for plot development. I turned old story ideas over in my mind, but decided to start from scratch, with a story idea that came from a random title generator. "The Emerald of the Healer" brought to mind a fantastical adventure of a knight sworn to protect a powerful jewel, but who fails in his duty when the emerald is stolen by a common pickpocket.

I spent the first two weeks of November rehasing the plot. Who was this girl, this pickpocket? What did she want, where was she headed, why did she do the things she did? And how did the story end? I couldn't see the answers. And, not seeing the full picture, I was unable to begin.

All through Novemeber I thought, developed, and wondered -- and wrote not a single word on the story.

NaNoWriMo taught me that I am still afraid of writing stories. I am still afraid of taking a chance when I can't see the consequences.

I've been wondering lately if art must always reflect life. I'm currently unemployed and confused. I don't know what I want to do, what kind of job I want, where I should go. And, confused, I find myself unable to move forward. I have not submitted resumes or gone on interviews or even found an opening that's interested me.

My story is suffering from writer's block.
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
My working title is now officially "bleargh".

I still have no idea of plot, character, or genre. I thought maybe an epic "We saved the world, I say we party!" type novel, as those are the kind I like to read. I have some ideas -- old ideas, that is. I'm not sure I want to rework one of them for nanowrimo. I like the idea of having a clean slate so you're not too attached to your work.

My younger sister suggested a murder mystery. That might be fun.

Probably will end up with a trashy romance. *sigh* Anyone know where I can buy a plot bunny?

And yeah, I know... work on the rallye. *feels [livejournal.com profile] tsukata breathing down her neck and shivers*
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
I am supposed to be working on the GIs for the hotel rallye tomorrow night. Or looking for a job, or reading Parachute.

Instead I am sitting and staring at the screen, trying to come up with a plot for my NaNoWriMo novel.

Maybe there's a plot lurking in the shower?
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
Unemployment is boring. Waah. Thinking about volunteering to do computer work for the AIDS foundation. Or maybe create and maintain databases for Friends of the Park. It would pass the time, at least.

Have taken to checking Monster.com every hour to see if anyone is viewing my resume. Have only received two hits. Waah. Still, two hits in twenty-four hours are better than nothing.

Have also received following job opportunity in email (discerning information edited to protect the innocent):

Dear Confidential:

My name is Senor Buttmonkey. I'm a Pompously-titled Executive with Spin-off, a division of World-Domination Financial Company. We are in the midst of an explosive growth phase in the Chicago area (the pods are reproducing much faster than anticipated) and I am training people for Swindling the Customer Into Believing Their Getting a Great Deal When Actually We're Sucking the Life-Force Out Of Them roles.

Our local office leads the Midwest in developing corporate drones and we would like to give you an opportunity to be the next "Yes Sir!" loser. I have three openings available to meet with you in the next five days. You will need to call me to confirm an appointment as I am far too busy playing golf and planning to overtake the planet via economic manipulation to do anything besides have my secretary send impersonal emails.

Although other Spin-off offices may contact you, it is in your best interest to select the team that has the greatest mindwashing techniques so you won't even realize how miserable you are with our company.

Preliminary info can be found at our snazzy website -- except it won't tell you a thing about what we do or what your "job" will entail. We wouldn't want to scare you away.

I am looking forward to breaking you of your self-will.

Yeah, that's so the job for me.

(sidenote: must get cable modem when new job is procured. Getting damned sick of being tossed offline just as I'm about to post. Waah.)


Oct. 11th, 2002 03:45 pm
xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)
Colleen is singing to me.

She is singing a song of longing, of woulda-shoulda-coulda beens, of what life would be like if the world was perfect. The melody is familiar: it may not be original. I strain my ears, but can only hear half the words, because it is a song that can never be.

Tomorrow morning my mom will come over and we will work on our resumes. I for a job I do not want, doing the same work I'm doing now; she for the job she's held for the past ten years.

I am weary. I keep making mistake after mistake until I am not sure if there is such a thing as the right thing to do. Maybe there's only whatever is done. Whatever will be, will be.

I do not think they know how I am hurting. I must be allowed to talk. I must allow myself to speak.


xnera: Photo of my cat sniffing a vase of roses  (Default)

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